I have learned so many things this year, and, to be quite frank, most of them were not academic. Oh, sure, I learned about the process Congress goes through to pass a bill and how to write a 25-page research paper. I will not discount the merits of any of these things. But I have learned reality.

Most likely this year was the year I did the most mature, philosophical thinking of my life, and I have evolved greatly in mind. Life isn't a mere game. It is strategy. For example, how do I shed light on my extracurriculars in such a way that they seem important to me and superb achievements to the admissions committee? And, despite your best efforts, a strategy doesn't always play out as you might think it will because of so many unknown variables in the process. That is what has happened to me.

I did not get into the college of my dreams. But that does not mean anything bad. My life goes on. My dreams are not ruined. It just means I have to work harder to get to where I want to be. That's the resolution I have made. I've thought about whether or not I might want to transfer after a year... but that depends on my grades, the unknown variables once again, and ultimately me. I haven't even started my freshman year yet, so how could I possibly already hate the experience, even if the school was not my first choice. I may end up loving it in the end and decide to not even attempt a transfer for that reason.

I have many friends who are bitter about the process. "Oh, it doesn't matter, I'm going to an okay college anyway," they say (in an astringent tone, I might add). They are not looking beyond the statistics, the rankings, and their own pride. The college you go to probably carries some weight in the job market, but honestly, I think your ability to implement what you have learned in school is what counts. The name Harvard or Princeton on your diploma may help open some doors, but it's what you do once you walk through the door that counts... and going to a smaller, lesser known university does not mean you don't have what it takes to succeed.

You underclassmen out there probably will not be able to take this to heart right now. I know that I did not even though so many of the former seniors said the same thing to me. But, now that I've gone through the process, what they said has helped and their words have comforted me. And, as this is my last essay to you, I hope it will later comfort you as well. Don't worry, you will graduate and go to a university. After all, aren't I doing the same thing?

But being accepted is an understatement...as I was even accepted into their Honors Program. So, if for some reason I don't end up going anywhere else, I still get great dorms, classes, and intellectual friends (at a great budget price). That letter completely shook my world.

And not so great news:

My grades are not awe-inspiring to me. The letter enhanced an attitude inside my mind that was lying dormant. That attitude consists of laziness, whining, and boredom and their relationship to school. Yes, I have senioritis now.

I know last time I said that I am still working, but just on whatever interests me. And recently, I have finally found out what senioritis is. It is an extremely advanced version of working on whatever interests me.

I honestly have this urge to skip the rest of the school year and spend it at home. I feel like counting down the days left until I graduate, but if I start on that trend like other people, I won't be able to withstand the time mentally. I have managed to resist most of these urges by using reality (like if I skip the rest of the school year, I won't be graduating anytime soon).

It is becoming a really strange life during senior year. My mood is continually wandering throughout a typical day, and when I get home, I don't even look at my homework until it is nighttime.

During that time I do many things, but one of them is reflecting on my daily life. I have become sick and tired of the many things I have forced myself to do. Things that I have finally discovered were really useless in the first place. One of the places my mind automatically jumps is to my extracurricular activities. There are a few clubs I wished I had never joined because quite honestly, they are a major waste of time. Unfortunately, because I am currently in the hierarchy, I can't discontinue my participation in them.

And I have also wanted to get more time with my family. Weird, huh? The average teen doesn't really want to hang around with their family as much as with their friends. But the thing is that I'll be going to college with little or no time to see the people who raised me and played with me since I was born. I want to be able to connect with them as much as I can because I understand how precious they are to me.

A lot of strange things are happening to me this month. And I'm sure there are plenty more to come.

I don't call it senioritis (not yet, anyway). But now I give myself priorities. There are certain classes that I like better than others. I concentrate more on them and don't worry about little grievances like forgetting a homework assignment or two. Sure, it may not be ideal, but before I would have stressed a lot over something like this.

The greatest part is that this change in attitude makes learning easier for me. Instead of learning for the sake of going to college, I am learning biology for my own sake and my own interest. It's not like I am going to become a biology major anytime soon, but I am now even more fascinated by it than before midterms.

I think that this is a taste of what it is like to be in college. Grades are not everything. You could make it past law school, grad school, etc, but if you still don't create your own ideas and don't have any common sense, where in reality are you going to be in the workforce? It won't even matter if you graduated from the best university in the world if you cannot apply your knowledge and actually understand that knowledge.

On another note, I am very excited to be going to college. On Saturday, I should be receiving my decision letter from University of Maryland at College Park (UMCP). Then it will be a long haul to the end of March / beginning of April, when I will receive all my other decision letters. Of course, there is a 25 page research paper on Ernest Hemingway to fill up the time between then.

It might be somewhat disheartening if I do not make it into UMCP because it will be my second rejection letter (Georgetown was not really a rejection, but it did feel like one). And a rejection means I have to wait longer to feel like I'm guaranteed to go to college next year. But for some reason, I have not been anxious about whether I will be rejected or accepted. It has become my belief that everything happens for the best. Maybe I won't get into UMCP. But what if instead I make it into Georgetown or an Ivy League? Does that mean that I should have been accepted? No, it does not matter: I cannot control the college numbers game beyond my application and supplemental material. What happens after that is left up to the admissions officers at these schools. That's life. And that's what I think seniors need to understand. Just because you don't make it the first time doesn't mean you are unable to move on in life. It just means that you have to deal with it and work a little harder. When you can understand that, you've leaped a great distance closer to becoming a mature, independent adult.

I got back my Georgetown decision. Unfortunately, I was deferred. I think I said before that I didn't know what I would do if I was deferred from Georgetown. But you know what? I lived. I was kind of down for about 2 hours after the decision, after which I decided to make sure I would put forth my full effort to get into a good college and keep my grades straight A's. So far things seem to be going in my favor. Not long after submitting my applications (probably only 3-4 days), I got phone calls from both Harvard and Yale alumni about my interview. This definitely boosted my spirits and got me thinking more about possibilities besides Georgetown.

While I'm back to feeling pretty optimistic about my applications and myself, my stresses are not limited to college applications. Midterms! Midterms! Midterms! I'm feeling extremely pressured to make good grades this year, and the sad thing is, the pressure is coming from me. Ever since making straight A's for my final grades last year, I haven't wanted to let them go especially since it is very possible to keep them... if you study and correctly apply what you have learned. AP Biology and AP Calculus A/B are the two classes I am worried about right now because those are the classes that my talent doesn't fall naturally into. However, I am working very hard and allowing myself each day a little time to relax after taking a crash course in studying the material. At least I won't go crazy.

Just some advice: Don't kill yourself working on academics or on any one aspect of your life. Don't forget that you, yes YOU, exist (and I do forget that sometimes), and that without easy times, there would be no such thing as stressful and vice versa. You really just have to go with the flow, no matter how overused of a phrase that is. Don't forget to organize and prepare for the near and far future at the same time. Don't dwell on the past. Otherwise, you might get yourself down like I was at the beginning of my senior year.

I still have to study for midterms and hope for a good grade on my upcoming SAT II Biology test. But in any case, I'm going to maintain a positive attitude and keep moving forward.

These questions are quite infuriating. I keep telling myself to think positively and to just concentrate on my studies. The only bright thing that has happened in my life so far is that I have gotten my Learner's Permit. That should keep my mind occupied only for so long though, because the questions of my admission linger in my head.

I truly have done everything I could for Georgetown. I applied early; I have a solid resume; I have an apparent increase in my academic rigor and success (I achieved straight A's finally at the end of my junior year, and have started this year with the same grades); I tried my best at my interview; and I was able to receive a recommendation letter from an alumni. But is it really enough?

I look at a lot of my friends who are applying to Georgetown. They all seem so talented. They play varsity sports, act in school plays, and serve as leaders in the Student Government Association. I don't have any of those honors that I have always wanted to achieve. What is my chance of going to that dream school? I don't know, and that is what I am scared of.

My parents are not helping. They talk about moving closer to Georgetown even though I haven't been admitted into the university. Do they just not want to accept that I might not be admitted or do they truly believe that I am such a great student that I will certainly be admitted? I don't know that either.

I do not want my Winter Break to be filled with three research papers, two major projects, 3 units of AP Biology, AND last-minute applications. I don't want my Thanksgiving vacation, which was spent completing applications, to have been for nothing. Hopefully, though, it will not be necessary to fill out this next round of applications.

All Georgetown applicants are required to interview with an alumni interviewer. I had almost forgotten about that until I received the postcard in the mail assigning me to an interview with a local alumnus. "Huh," I yelled in shock, "I haven't finished my application yet?" I recovered quickly and called my interviewer to set up in the appointment.

Thankfully, I was not in despair. In my school, we are required to keep a portfolio containing important artifacts that show our studiousness, creativity, and whatever other good qualities we have. We can go as far to put in something that we did not do well in. But for everything we put in, there has to be a reflection talking about the artifact.

I never really thought it would come in handy, but this massive binder really helped at my interview. Compiled over the four years of high school, it showed everything from my leadership and performance skills to artistic and scientific merit... not to brag or anything.

The day of the interview came. It was definitely a scary thing to go through because you have to show yourself as a wonderful person without overdoing it. I thought it would at most take 30 minutes. And it was an hour and forty-five minutes!

We had gotten to talking about law, Gideon v. Wainright, the Miranda rights, the Zero Tolerance Law... and when I walked out of there, my head was screaming and my eyes were burning from having to think so much after an entire day of school. Honestly though, it was an engaging interview because I learned a lot about civil law from my interviewer, but not much about the university since he was an alumni of the law school, not the undergraduate school. I felt that I made some mistakes, though, because I couldn't come up with the right words, the right answers (or so I thought). But the fact that I wasn't depressed when I came out from my first real interview I think is a good sign, along with the fact that my interview was pretty long.

I guess I can't make any judgments yet, though. I feel like I have a really good chance at getting into the university, but then so do so many other people. I have worked so hard to go there: I got a letter from an alumni, carefully picked teachers to write letters, participated full-time in many activities, packed my resume with as many honors and awards as I could, and wrote 3 different answers to the same essay questions before choosing my best ones. I hope that my interview really was good and that I can keep senioritis away from my non-procrastinating self. December 1st. That will be the day I get my first real news, and hopefully it will be an acceptance letter from Georgetown.

Georgetown University is my dream school because it has everything that I need: a central location (for a major like Government and Politics), a good reputation, great academics, and dorms that I can live in (which means I won't be stuck with my parents on weekdays). And I even went to their summer program and asked a summer counselor to write a recommendation just in case! That's why I am applying early action to that school. But since my parents have asked me to apply elsewhere just in case, I thought that it wouldn't be a bad idea to apply to University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. That school is a very nice one and is close to where my great uncle and aunt live (so I would have some family to lean on nearby).

If I don't get into Georgetown or Chapel Hill, it means that I have to have two backup plans. The first part is that I have to apply to my local university (University of Maryland College Park). It's a very good school, but the only issue is that it is more into research and science than government, though it has great depth in everything. The second part is that I will use the now life-saving Common Application (specifically designed for people who want to save their sanity and time) to apply to a bunch of seemingly interesting schools at once. I have already sent in completed applications to George Washington University and American University so that I could feel like I made some progress.

I really am glad that I am getting all my college applications done early; if I take the time now, I won't have to stress when I have some major research paper to write during Winter Break (just as most college application deadlines are closing in).

But it's not as if I am just cranking out my applications and not looking at them carefully. I gave all my college essays to my AP English Literature teacher a few days ago, and he really had some great analysis of my essays. He was the kind of person who looked for structure and content, which I definitely needed help on. It turns out that he believes that I have a" very unique writing style" which sounds "confident" and brings out my "sarcastic humor" at the same time. He thankfully said that if I sent in most of my essays as they were, they would all be a 9 on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the best. But he told me straight out that one of my essays was not something I should send in, and I appreciated his honesty. I actually did not like that essay (which was about my extracurricular activities) that much, and it might have hurt my chances of getting into the school. Thank goodness for English teachers.

It's amazing what can happen in a month. I would have never believed it possible to find everything coming together so well for my application. It's especially nice when you can save some time by recycling an essay for another application. Now all I have left to worry about is my grades and my social life... hopefully.